She messaged me a few times asking me to go to some website to see her naked. I bet she’s hot!
lol. Obvious spam is obvious. BUT I WANNA SEE THE N00DZ SO I CHOOSE TO BELIEVE! (dumb. This is dumb)
My Mom wants me to try to get a sleep study soon. I don’t know how to feel about that. It might be worth it to find out why the fuck I can never sleep at night. And when I do fall asleep why I wake up 20 to 30 minutes later without being able to fall back to sleep. I honestly can’t remember the last time I had a good night’s sleep. Either way, I don’t think a sleep study will be very useful. Even if they find out what’s wrong and put me on medication, I don’t think I’ll want to take it. What the fuck’s the point of sleep if it’s not natural? Also, I have this terrible fear about taking medication to fall asleep…what if it doesn’t really work the way it’s supposed to? Well I mean, what if it works and puts me to sleep but I have a night terror? What if I get paralyzed when my body is medically under and I can’t shake myself awake? Is that possible? I don’t think I could mentally handle being stuck in that awful, awful state for 8 hours or however long it takes for the medicine to wear off. To finally be able to wake myself up. I think it would finally succeed in driving me absolutely crazy.
My Mom just told me she feels like all is right with the world. Good God, I wish I felt that way.
And now, thanks to Shelby, I am watching Xmen Evolution on YouTube. I was just thinking about how bummed I kind of am for not going to a real college, but now I realize, fuck that because it would never have lived up to my expectations of life at Professor Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters.