Nah I’m only saying that because I wish Aubrey Plaza would make out with me when she was drunk sometimes.
I get the feeling this is how most girls would...
April: this is Derek
Mark: Cool, how long you guys been dating?
April: We're just friends, he's like the gayest person I've ever met, but I make out with him when I'm drunk sometimes.
For the record I’m ashamed I actually looked up Creed lyrics to make a joke.
The conversations my brother Erik, his wife Steph and I have in iMessage are ridiculous. I am going to start posting parts of them
Give me gravity Give me clarity Give me something to rely on We’re all...
when the hand reads 7:30 and your night begins to sink in the short but...
it’s days like today that make me wish February 20th would get here sooner
Debate to understand that we all have a flaw Then fail to represent your life...
It’s so funny to be seeing you after so long, girl. With the way you...
andrepeat: Everything, if you want to, including a new acoustic version of “Dead, Almost.” You’re great. Matt Ryan’s music is a cross between David Bowe and Elton John…like if their music had a sexy, beautiful love child, it would be Matt’s music.
stutterlifts: ayoungpioneer: Andy Hull |...
tomorrow will be rough for so many reasons. Pray for us all
Tonight I feel like David Tennant in the episode where he to second base with madam de Pompidou and got drunk and stuff except there’s no cyber men or whatever except I don’t remember exactly what happened in that episode because I’ve been drinking and stuff and how are you guys doing wooooooo
Can I also just say
That I could easily use the pick up line “I totally played warped tour” which actually happened. But instead I went with “I am a lion tamer.”
By the way, just for the record, gang, these girls are dumb enough to believe the reason I am wearing suspenders to a bar is because I just came from work and I am a lion tamer. And I got to use the line “I like to think they tame me”
Idea: on Saturday combine studying and pregaming. Study all day while drinking whiskey and/or beer. Party while studying. I like this idea. Not just because it makes studying for this incredibly daunting certification test seem more appealing, but it gives me an excuse to start drinking early on Saturday. I’m doing this because of priorities, gang. I should have started drinking in high...